Well, anyone that knows me well, knows that i am a "feeler" i feel more then i think. I know that i should think before i feel, but well then i wouldn't be me.
My thoughts right now are on overdrive. I feel myself slipping into my shell again. I feel myself wanting to resist talking about Emzie and working on what we need to do. I know as a parent i need to be my daughters advocate and i want but i feel so inadequately inept and unworthy to be her mother that i am wallowing in self pity and self doubt. Since last Friday my heart aches more so then it ever has. Last Friday we discovered after 2 days of Emzie being in Kindergarten that her teacher had no idea that she was diagnosed with Asperger's. Since then the teacher still seems to be frustrated and not researching any ways in making her time with Emzie easier in her classroom. I am fighting my normal instinct to run and take her out of school but, let me say it's a big forefront on my mind. I am thankful for my God who knows all, is all, and is I AM. I am refreshed in the fact that I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength. I will admit that i forget this fact very, very, very, often and that I tend to listen to satan's voice more then God's sadly because my self worth is so self depreciated that it makes more sense then God's all knowing love and mercy that awaits me always. I know i need to cling to what is good. I will also admit i suck at it. I am mad. I am exhausted. I am humbled. I honestly don't know what else to say except that i will continue to write more on this so that i don't go crazy. Stay tuned and check back often i need this outlet.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
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Can only imagine the frustration. Just know that you are His - as is Emzie - and you are both loved by your Maker.
ReplyDeletePray for you guys often...
hmmm...I feel like that "advocate" word has been a snake that has bitten you. Sorry, as I feel I am the snake charmer. From a sister in Christ - keep on!! seek God! Make every thought captive to Christ! Replace self-focus, self-doubt and self-pity with God-focused, God-trusting and praise! Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of your faith. AND I love you! I'll listen to you! (I promise, even though sometimes i suck at it) I'm Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteAs your friend who knows about special education crap- call my friend Megan Massey and ask her how to be a good advocate for your child. You are not expected to know how to do this with no training and no experience. You have to go back to school too. her number is 631-0716. She would be able to give you insight on who to talk to, what to say, resources and people to connect with, etc. She's also an amazing Christian lady who knows the ins and outs of trusting God with children and schools and situations that exasperate you.