Being a Pastor's Wife & not sure how to be still...

It was 3 weeks until our wedding. 9/11 had just happened about 2 weeks prior. My future husband and I were at a Couple's Wedding Shower hosted by the church that he had been the Worship Minister for, for almost 3 years. A woman whose husband was a professor at the local Christian College in town, had pulled me aside to give me her gift. She prefaced the gift with saying, she wanted me to know that I was not alone and that I can do this. I had no clue what she was talking about since she wasn't wanting me to open it until I got home that evening. So fast forward 2 hours later, sitting in my bedroom and unwrapping her gift. It was the book " How To Be a Minister's Wife, and Be Yourself." Yes, I was given a big ol slap in the face. I honesty up until that point had not even registered that i was going to be a "minister's wife". I feel I need to take you back about 2 years prior for you to understand where I and this kind (yet abrasive)woman was coming from.
2 years prior to this, I was homeless, addicted to drugs, in a loveless relationship and being physically, mentally and verbally abused. I was about to be allowed to live at the local Rescue Mission where they had a 1 year "program" of sorts that helped you get on your feet. There I found and fell in love with my sweet Jesus. Who held me in some of my most darkest hours,and revealed to me His most amazing mercy and grace. Flash forward 1 year, I just graduated from said mentioned program, was living with best friend, working in a daycare, and attending a 20's something Bible study. Flash Forward, 4 more months, and I am sitting in my bedroom, crying, begging, pleading with God to Forgive me for liking this man who taught our bible study and whom I and best friend had started to hang out with spend most of all our free time with. I remember thinking and praying " God, I am so sorry for liking him, I know he is a pastor and I am a lowly recovered drug addicted. I am so sorry for liking him, please take this desire I have for him away" Go ahead 3 weeks later where I realize that this guy also likes me. =) We start to date and in within 5 months we are engaged to be married in Oct of 2001.( Which means in less then 10 months we started to date, got engaged and were married)
So, that brings us back to my bedroom 3 weeks before our marriage and I am just realizing that I am going to be a "minister's wife" Well, after our marriage the "nice lady" enrolled me in her class at the above mentioned Christian College with the same title as book, so i could learn some more. Now, if you are saying, " Maranda the title of that book doesn't seem too bad" I would have to say you are right, but honestly I didn't get that once I read it. Now, since it has been 10 years since I have read that book, I am not going to go into a whole lotta detail, mainly because I can't remember it all. I will say that i am still struggling with this concept though. I still feel as if I say the wrong things, dress the wrong way, and open my mouth way more then I pray about a situation. BUT, I will say I have gained confidence in knowing that It's perfectly fine that I am not dressing the way others may want me to, or that I attend concerts with my hubs, or that I even let me kids run in the church. I guess I should also say that I know now that I was not made in our church body's frame of mind but in MY Creators. he designed me, he rescued me, He choose me to be the wife to my wonderful sensitive husband and God desired me to serve Him, not the ideas and opinions of the church body. i want to say one more thing though, I do believe that I should be sensitive to what others are going through and saying and be open to hear their opinions especially if it pertains to me, but I will not listen if it is something that is said in a third party reference. Well, I guess that's all, not really sure where this all came from, not whether it will help or hinder but I felt led to share this today.